Fill Her Up Please. Version 2.

Almost seven years ago, I published my first blog post.  I’ve given it a quick make-over and included a photo, which I only recently realised was published on the same day as the post, July 1 2013. I’ve revisited this post several times and feel it is as important now as it ever was. Particularly during these times of change.

At the time, I had been working on myself, but it fell apart. I went back on the drink and gambling and smokes a few weeks later before I regrouped and started again from scratch in May of the following year, and six years later I’m still on that path. What it highlights for me is that change comes in small increments, and each step is essential. You can’t rush things and expect them to work.

The same can be said about our society coming out of the COVID crisis. I can’t help but feel that things are a bit messy at the moment. It all feels so rushed, and I get a sense as do many that things will turn bad again before they get better. From personal experience, that’s how real change often occurs.

Fill Her Up Please – The Original.

Hello and welcome to my very first post. Most exciting!

About me and what I hope to achieve through this blog.

Antonio(Tony) Barea 40-year-old single white male. Aussie born Spanish heritage. Never married. Yes, I know this isn’t a dating service. Service station operator(two of them as if one wasn’t enough)part-time screenwriter, writer, storyteller, now blogger, depression and anxiety sufferer(recovering), former regular binge drinker and gambler. I currently live at home with my parents, although this hasn’t always been the case. Yes, I can cook, but I am currently not required to do so thanks to my caring Spanish mother.

One of the few photos of me at Cringila Sevice Station. This photo featured in the Kiama Independent Newspaper as part of a campaign against fuel theft. Picture: DYLAN ROBINSON

Perhaps it’s just me,  but I’m finding that most people are looking for something…… something extra from life, from the day to day to grind, the way they feel physically, mentally, spiritually. I see it every day, people from all walks of life just waiting to be engaged to feel like someone has done that little bit extra to even just have a chat, a kind word, a smile.

On occasion, I will fill one of my customers’ cars with petrol for them, just like in the “good ole days.” The response I get is remarkable, and while it is only a simple act, you get the sense that there is something deeper to this whole concept of doing something for someone even this simple courtesy which was once the norm. I get a buzz from it along with a sense of connection with my customers which is on an entirely different level.

I want to share some of my experiences. I feel that by doing so, I can help both male readers faced with similar difficulties that I have met and also women who may have a partner, friend or relative that they would like to help or at least better understand. As a bonus, I will also be able to let you know if and when petrol prices are going up or down.

I’ve undergone a complete transformation in the past 3 months. I went cold turkey from my anti-depressant medication Pristiq (that’s a story in itself) I stopped drinking alcohol altogether, stopped smoking which I had taken up again over the last 6 months after having been off them for almost three years. Reduced my three sometimes four double shot short black espressos a day to zero. Completely transformed my diet from a pizza, potato, pie-eating monster to only meat and veg(no potato) or bread. I’ve lost approx 10kgs without lifting a weight or jumping on a treadmill, and as a result, I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in years. Physically and mentally.

But this journey is at its infancy, and it’s essential to mention that I haven’t got to where I am on my own. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been able to engage the services of a life coach, Coach Dee, to help me on my journey.

There are many steps involved in transforming ones state of being many of those are baby steps and require some assistance. To feel good about ourselves, often it may just be the case of letting someone do something for you. Like, fill your tank!

Contents of this post make up part of the upcoming book One Day I Will Tell The Truth.

16 thoughts on “Fill Her Up Please. Version 2.

  1. T!
    well well well you do have all your little fingers in alot of pies dont you! Im not sure ive actually read a blog before nor understood the concept really, but looking at this its like writing a journal which is open for public viewing! Holy moley thats scary stuff! absolutely love the way you give honesty and truth a big hug and high five all the while flipping the bird to fear and judgement! how refreshing! because as we know, in the age of facebook the ego doesnt like truth! look forward to reading some of these adventures of tony!

  2. Thats about as Crazy as a Bar Manager who once went to an ashram In India,got taken out of his body by some crazy Swami Guru and now only really wants to retire to a Forest Hut and Meditate the rest of his Life away!…….I wonder who that could be?

  3. You are so brave Tony to share what your going through, I wish you all the very best on this journey. It’s so true, sometimes it can be the small acts like a good morning and a smile that lifts someone’s spirits for the day. Love you cous, Sunny xx

  4. Thanks so much for taking the time to both read and to comment. It’s something I’ve been planning for some time and it’s finally coming together.

  5. Thanks Vea. It’s all a work in progress and its very exciting. Thank you for commenting directly to the post also.

  6. Hey Bar,

    OMG!! i am so proud of you. So thats where your’ve been??? You know bar life is what you make it and i am so happy that you have accomplished so much in a few months. You know how much we love you Bar, and i am so proud of what you have achieved and looking forward to what is still yet to be achieved by your STRONG SELF. 🙂

    I am a FAN!!

  7. Bien hecho!! Congrats on taking the first steps – I’m sure it was as big as it was difficult… Look forward to the next installments

  8. Well done bro. Brave stuff! Looking forward to more posts from you mate.

  9. Well done tony inspirational stuff it takes a lot of guts to express your life and feelings like that ,life wasn’t meant to be easy , but like you said we only live once, I believe life is all about happiness and if we can control positive thoughts in our minds we can concur anything IT’S ALL IN THE STATE OF MIND my friend stay safe ciao..

  10. Thank you so much Dee. So looking forward to where this road takes me. I forgot I have to moderate all the comments. Part of the fun I guess.

  11. Congratulations on your first post Tony! I am thrilled to bits for you and immensely proud. I know it’s the first of many interesting and insightful pieces of writing to come. Your transformation over the last couple of months has been nothing short of remarkable….and not in that reality tv kind of way. You’re the real deal baby; no make-up or trick photography showing your best side, no cleverly edited sound bites; nothing is for show, everything you see is all real and raw and honest and brave. You’re so right with your full tank analogy, I like it a lot. We all need a full tank to get to where we want to get to but only some of us are smart enough and brave enough to let someone fill it for us. I’m sure your blog will inspire others to stop and re-fuel. Well done!

  12. Thank you so much for your comment Tracey. I was a bit nervous about sharing on FB but hey you only live once, depending on your religious beliefs of course. Reading your comment makes me feel all the better for having done so.

  13. Dear Antonio

    What a brave thing to do. You have been disarmingly open and honest about what’s going on for you. You are certainly not alone.

    Yes, people are looking for something. A sense of connection.

    Thank you for reaching out to the world and anyone who feels the same.

    I, for one, am grateful.


    (Single, 41, live with my papa! I know this is not a dating site – those facts alone would get me no-where – but I thought I’d share a little, given you have shared so much.)

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